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September 09, 2006

Ready to go, not ready to leave

For more than a year my sister has been trying to persuade me to move to Portland, Oregon. I smiled and laughed for some months of this nagging, convinced that I must find a gentle way to let her down. But then I gradually started imagining myself there. And Christmas came and I visited her, we drove around downtown and I snuggled up under a down comforter on her livingroom couch. I cooked with her and watched the rain. Portland felt a little like home. With the right people and the right activities and the right landscape.

But I was still invested in school. And I promised myself not to worry about what would happen next until later. And anyway, I already had plans to travel to Africa to visit my mom, and I couldn't really see around such a huge event on my horizon. Why worry about moving?

So I went to Africa and I saw my mom. And I missed my sister. I returned home with a newfound conviction that Portland was somewhere to which I would have to belong one day. And now with my mom making plans to sell her house in Grass Valley and buy one in Portland, my conviction seems even surer.

But there is something I now have to consider that I wouldn't have thought about before...I have become really attatched to Los Angeles. I know, I never would have thought those words would ever cross my lips. It's really more what's here that I love: the people I have met, my friends, my school, and my church. These are my life! And I'm seeing how hard it would be to leave them and start all over. So although I am absolutely ready to go to Portland and have new adventures and learn and explore and be near family, I am just not ready to leave my home.

Who knows, it might only take a few months for me to mentally move out of L.A. It might take longer. We'll see.

In the meantime, I am going to be working and enjoying living here. I will spend time with friends and stay involved at church. I will visit my family in the area and make the most of the L.A.-type opportunities that are here: Art galleries, Museums, Biola professors, and more. Yeah, I'm just not ready to leave.

Posted by libbystokes at September 9, 2006 10:21 AM

Comments

Posted by: Lauren at September 25, 2006 03:55 PM