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March 22, 2007

Pardon?

You know when someone says something and you can't quite hear them so you say "what?" or "pardon?" You know when someone says something and you hear them loud and clear but you still ask "what?" or "pardon?" Yeah, I noticed that I do this a lot (ask "what?" even though I heard them alright) and so I started wondering why it is that I don't just respond after the first time, but need to hear it again. In the past I have experienced others do the same thing-- I have asked them something, knowing they could hear me, but they had me repeat it. So I know it's not just me, but still I was all of a sudden frustrated at this phenomenon.

I thought back to when I was a kid and I would yell out something to my parents from the other room and they would tell me that if I had a question I should come into the room they were in and ask them to their faces, within speaking distance. And though this always killed me ("I mean, they can hear me yelling at them in the first place so why don't they just yell back the answer rather than make me have to get up and go into another room?!" This was my thinking), it taught me the importance of respecting and honoring someone and their personal space when communicating with them. Even now I can't stand to see kids yelling out to their parents from far away, or even addressing a parent over and over while the parent is preoccupied.

So I started thinking about how this learned principle could be playing into the whole "Pardon Syndrome." Now in most of these situations I am either concentrating on something or just otherwise busy and I'm not already in the midst of a conversation with the person. I'm almost never facing them to begin with, or my head is turned away. So I though, could it be that the reason I need people to repeat their questions is that I wish to begin conversations with a mutual acknowledgment on both sides? It's like I'm forcing them to start over because they skipped the first step-- asking to talk to me in the first place.

Ok, now I know that sounds totally self-righteous. Like you need my permission to address me or something. But all I mean is that it's sort of common curtesy to start a conversation by first securing the other party's attention. A simple "Hey Libby?" will do. You never know, I might just say "Yeah?" instead of "Pardon?"

Of course, I guess I never really say Pardon, so scratch that...

Posted by libbystokes at 07:36 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2007

Young and Silly

With certain things, you always hope that you will act or think differently than everyone else. Not necessarily because you don't like how everyone else acts or thinks, but because you want to be the exception for some reason. Go against the flow or something like that.

Sometimes it's a bummer realizing that you aren't the exception, and I'm not quite sure why. There is this guy that I work with (yes, this is going there) and when I first met him I thought, what a nice young man. Now I don't mean "nice young man" the way your neighbor or aunt says it, but "nice" as in kind, moral, and sweet and "man" as in close to my age but not totally immature. Ok, so I thought, what a nice young man. And I continued to think that. And with time I wasn't treating this guy like an acquaintance, but as a friend. And given the circumstances of each of our meetings, we began to act more friend-like toward each other, laughing at things, making fun of things, sharing things, talking about things.

Now, everyone subconsciously considers a person's characteristics to determine whether or not they would make an eligible "interest" (I know it sounds so cheesy, but bear with me). So, as with most single heterosexual females, at several points (based on his responses to outside influences) I did wonder, is he gay? Anyway, I hadn't quite made up my mind on the orientation point, but in the meantime I was rather enjoying our time together, feeling like, maybe this is what it is like to just be friends with a guy...(I can't deny that I have led a rather male-less social existence).

So all this time I'm thinking that I'm not thinking too much about him like I normally think about guys. I don't feel like I'm "trying" to make him like me, which is totally refreshing. And I'm just not thinking about him in any way really, just being friendly to him and with him. (With maybe one exception: as I was carrying his work shirt into the house to be cleaned, I may have smelled his cologne on it and it may have smelled really really good and this may have made me want him right then...)

And then comes the realization that yes, I do think like so many others: he finally said something about his "girlfriend." And I was mad at myself for even feeling a little bummed to hear him say it. Bummed and frustrated because I thought I shouldn't really care, but I do.

After he said it, I was sort of quiet for a bit, thinking about whether it would change the way I thought about him, or acted with him. But then I just went on, being normal, and he did something that I laughed at and I made fun of him and he smiled.

Still now I'm thinking that I will always sort of be aware of it, but in the end I will try to be as "me" as possible because he's a nice young man and I just like him and I'm glad we're friends.

Posted by libbystokes at 07:41 PM | Comments (0)