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November 19, 2008

Somber thoughts on shared dreams

I watched a PBS documentary today on Jim Jones and the Jonestown tragedy that happened thirty years ago this week. It made me sad and upset, but mostly it was disturbing. Sad and upsetting because these people were scammed, were lied to, and deceived into betraying one another; they were ultimately trapped, having shown up under the pretense of peace, community, equality, environmentalism, and spirituality. It makes my skin tingles and I want to look away. I am disturbed that the Jonestown people sought so many of the things I want. I know that we are different, and I'm mad at them and at Jim Jones for getting things so wrong and for really screwing up, but how do I get past our similarities?

I suppose it comes down to this: The individuals attracted to the People's Temple (Jim Jones' church and following) wanted good things. They wanted racial equality, peace, healing, community. They wanted to grow their own food and take care of the poor, sick and elderly. They wanted someone to lead them to these ideals. Unfortunately that person was Jim Jones. It's not wrong to want good things. And it's probably good to be disturbed by the failings of a particularly influential person who was so off-base about Jesus and the Church. I should feel more confident about my desires in light of this folly, right?

God, I am so mad at Jim Jones! He makes me scared to want the things I want, and I hate that.

Posted by libbystokes at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 06, 2008

Red Hots

I pulled my hair into a ponytail. My ears were hot. My ears always get hot when my hair is down, especially when I'm upset. It's stupid because I'll be upset and my ears will turn red hot so I'll put my hair down to cover them up, but then I just get more hot. Then my face turns red. My face always turns red, especially when I'm embarrassed or nervous. It's stupid because I'll finally work up the nerve to go talk to some cute guy and then I will just stand there all flushed, spluttering nonsense and feeling embarrassed. And then I'll get upset with myself and my ears will get hot.

Posted by libbystokes at 11:03 PM | Comments (2)