August 25, 2008
Satisfaction and Pride-garb
Ten things that gave me satisfaction today:
The popping noise made when plucking seed pods from the marigold plants.
The icy-cold can of coke in my hand
The sudden and brief downpour during which I got locked out of the house
The silent drive home from the car-repair shop
The cool and juicy tomato straight from a rain-soaked plant
The answer "estate" to the clue "will content"
The homemade oreos with milk
The bike ride to Jim and Patty's coffee shop
The tiny paper airplanes that doubled as packing peanuts
The glass planter now filled with plump little succulents
Something totally unrelated, but on my mind...
Before I left southern California, particularly the Biola area, I was shopping in Albertson's and saw a couple of sweatshirts with bold lettering across the front that read "La Mirada." I was tempted for a moment to buy one because I get sentimental like that and look for ways to hold on to places and people and things. But it was only a very brief moment because then I realized how cheap and silly it would be to have a La Mirada shirt. "Plus," I told myself, "nobody HERE would ever wear this so it must be a stupid tourist thing..." And it's true: unless you are on a college campus or just visiting, you don't wear clothing that brags of your whereabouts.
Unless, I'm learning, you live in Portland. I have seen more pro-Portland shirts worn by residents than anywhere I have ever lived. There's "Bike Portland," "I heart Portland," "Portland - please recycle or we'll kick your ass," not to mention the practically mandatory oregon state bumper sticker with a green heart in the middle. People seriously LOVE this place and this city. And I understand why, but it's still very interesting to see the sort of pride that I am used to getting from students on a college campus.
Posted by libbystokes at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)
July 24, 2008
New Bike!
I bought a new (old) bike! Huzzah. Now I am truly a Portlander. Tomorrow: my first ride to work.
Oh sexy bike. Green, yes. Comfy seat, yes. Comfy handlebars, yes. Gears and handle-brakes, yes. Kickstand, yes. Low center frame, yes. Fenders, yes. "Strap shit on" spot, yes. Um...bell, yes.
Posted by libbystokes at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)
July 20, 2008
The People We Love
The People I love cause me to feel:
Angry
Restless
Jealous
Creative
Useful
Alone
Boring
Energetic
Bored
Different
Slow
Shallow
Valued
Unique
Embarrassed
Talented
Stuck
Also: Lately I have gotten little glimpses of what I think my future could look like. And with a few little tweaks and changes I think, this could be it, I might be excited about this. And then I see something else really exciting and amazing and new and different that reminds me that that there are a thousand ways to have a future. And that maybe what I was picturing isn't really ideal after all.
With all my self-destruction and second-guessing I'm bound to get nowhere at all.
Posted by libbystokes at 06:30 PM | Comments (0)
July 17, 2008
Bespectacled
I'm reading through the Harry Potter series again.
...I know.
Posted by libbystokes at 05:29 PM | Comments (0)
July 08, 2008
Check check and check
On a day to day basis, there are little things that need to be done, should be done, and things you just really want to do. I'm not really much of a list-maker; I have always been a mental-list keeper. This, of course, makes it hard to let go of the stress of a "to-do." At least by writing down your projects you can let the paper worry about each un-checked box.
I realize just how much keeping the list mentally affects me. When I first realized as a child that I preferred to keep mental lists, my lists usually consisted of:
- Pack a lunch
- Return book to the library
- Ride the bus home today
- Find passport (this one was freaking me out just a little, seeing as how I had no idea where it was since the time I moved to Portland)
- Register car in Oregon*
- Organize shload of crap in storage downstairs (lead to the finding of the passport)
- Conquer fear of the file-box (sparked by both the finding of the passport and by the amount of paperwork-to-be-filed pulled out of the shloads downstairs)
- Take car to the shop* (*this and the registration are more costly endeavors, which is why they got put off. At least I knew how much the registration would cost. This, my squealing car, I don't even want to know...)
- Pay second installment for Elly's painting
I don't think this has made me any more likely to start making lists. The sooner I make a list, the sooner I have proof of my unproductivity. Nonetheless, I do feel better for having accomplished something that lightens my mental burden.
Posted by libbystokes at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)
June 24, 2008
The Secret Lives of Toothbrushes
There is a four-slot toothbrush holder in our medicine cabinet. The four slots, in a row, are typically filled as such: John, John's razor, empty, and me (Kate's toothbrush doesn't fit, so it hangs out on the shelf above). Every now and then I open up the cabinet and, in an unexpected sense of embarrassment or claustrophobia, find John's toothbrush on the wrong side of the razor, in the normally empty spot, bristles facing mine. I can never decide if the confrontation is hostile or friendly, but it somehow always makes me feel very uncomfortable. Part of me is screaming "give me some breathing room, will you!" Part of me is quiet and self-conscious.
And then I remember that it is only a toothbrush. I close the cabinet and see myself in the mirror. I say out loud, "you are so weird."
Posted by libbystokes at 11:42 PM | Comments (2)
May 27, 2008
Homegrown delights
This afternoon I enjoyed a few delicious surprises. First the sun came out. Then I put together a little salad of radish and alfalfa sprouts (both homegrown), accompanied by veggie burger patty (I know, but really, Amy's Chicago style veggie burger is the best I have EVER had) topped with two year old aged vintage white Tillamook Cheddar. Yum. It was a surprisingly delicious meal enjoyed in surprisingly nice weather. Perfect.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:03 PM | Comments (0)
May 01, 2008
Cut and Dry
I am so for right and wrong and justice and fairness. And it's really frustrating that not everyone is that way. It's hard to have expectations that are different than others'. Why is it that so many important people are running around saying things like, "this is how it is going to be," but they're not doing much to make it that way? It's hard to want what is right, but to feel like you are pushing pushing pushing against what is reality and not getting anywhere at all. Like you are the only one still wearing your "Hello, my name is ____" sticker.
How much of justice is mine? What responsibility to it do I have? When do I let up, sit back, do nothing, brush it off? My friend says to "just be yourself, don't let it frustrate you." But how can I do that when that is not me? It takes so much energy to care so much, and I am getting tired.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:48 PM | Comments (1)
March 23, 2008
On Seeing
I signed up for vision coverage when I get health insurance this January. I had an exam on Tuesday and it turns out I have a football eye. I have a stigmatism in my left eye-- who knew (actually, seeing as how EVERYONE in my family wears glasses, I was always surprised that I didn't). I had noticed in the last year or so that it was sometimes hard to see signs from afar, and that I was squinting slightly to read. Blurry blurry no more. I can't wait to try on the glasses when they arrive!
Posted by libbystokes at 06:24 PM | Comments (4)
March 02, 2008
Three Gold Stars
My friend Theodore died yesterday. He was a good man. He was witty and sly and worked so hard, taking great pride in a job well done. He wanted the best for others. Sometimes he was stubborn and occasionally a little rude, but at the end of the day he was Ted, Teddy bear, our pastry guy.
Theodore was looking forward to this year. He was doing so well, getting healthy and communicating more with his parents. On Thursday he was particularly happy-- happier than I have maybe ever seen him. He was spending time in all areas of the deli, working alongside those who he would generally not see during the day. He was laughing and making crude jokes and was giddy after he speedily made a few sandwiches for customers. Jeni gave him three gold stars, which he wore on his shirt for the rest of that day.
I have a few good memories that I'll hold onto. I've never had a friend die before. It's all too weird.
Posted by libbystokes at 08:48 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2008
Inspiration and The Betrothed
The writers' strike ended today. I am no great writer, but I am happy to share my latest thoughts.
I spent about half an hour the other night trying to find the name of the woman with whom Michel Gondry worked in The Science of Sleep. The woman who made all of the lovely little props and soft sculptures. I was surprised to find her name so very hard to decipher from all the movie statistics out there. Lauri Faggioni. I browsed the images on her website and was immediately renewed in my ambition to create wonderful things. Things full of wonder. Yes. Recently (and oddly enough), I was also inspired by a portion of the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. The part where she moves into the little cottage and begins cleaning it up and making it home-- that part just got to me. I want to explore and uncover and settle and sort.
One of my favorite people at work is a friendly girl who does kitchen prep. Her name is Wazhma. She is beautiful and foreign and a little shy, but very witty and fun. She speaks with an accent and sometimes I can't understand what she says, although she is fluent in English. She works hard and goes to school full time and always has a smile.
Wazhma is leaving in a day or two with her family to return for three weeks to her home country Afghanistan. There they will be celebrating her engagement to a man she has never met before. An arranged marriage. He will move to the states in a year or so, and then they will be married. The idea of an arranged marriage is not new to me, but to see it happen today, to a girl I work with, here in Portland, just seems so strange. I feel for Wazhma. She is so young, just seventeen, and has told me she is nervous to meet Samir. But she is also happy. Even though she has spent most of her life in Portland, her family is very traditional, so she has always known this is how she would marry. I told her I was a little jealous because in so many ways I have always secretly admired arranged marriages. It means you don't waste away waiting to meet the "right guy." It means your family chooses someone for you who is stable, responsible and honorable-- someone who won't abandon you. I want this.
Posted by libbystokes at 10:20 PM | Comments (0)
January 14, 2008
Pining for Perry
And Peet and Whitford and Paulson and Corddry and others. Actually I miss all the cast of Studio 60. After watching the final episodes of what ended up being a short-lived one season run, my frustration at the brevity of the show is only heightened. I just don't understand why it had to end! Well, I do understand why it ended, but that doesn't mean it was a welcomed termination.
That show, among other Sorkin creations, was just so good. Studio 60 was clever, witty and full of relational drama. It was relevant for these times: addressing politics, war, race, religion, drugs, age, family, wealth, power, etc. The writing, the acting, the issues!...I can hardly stand how frustrated I am that it's gone (and then it's just TV, so should I really care this much?)
Whatever, I'm done.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)
January 06, 2008
Today
I need a hand to hold. I need butterflies. I need touch. I need eyes to look into.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:57 PM | Comments (0)
December 01, 2007
Th-oughts and such
More sporadic thoughts:
Today was the perfect day. It is the first day of December, a month that I love. It is nearing Christmas, a holiday that I love. I had the day off and Kate and I ventured out into the cold to buy a Christmas tree and then decorate the house. As we started out morning with hot cider and a crackling fire, it began to snow. Too perfect.
It feels like so long since I have enjoyed snow. There is really something special to me about it-- even having grown up in snow-country and experienced the good and bad side it all, I still feel so much wonder watching snow fall. I really miss the snow of my childhood.
I have some really great friends here. I am associated with a group of people who are smart, witty, fun, creative, giving, spontaneous and just plain cool. They each have such neat things going on in their lives; they are driven and have goals and desires. They know how to have a good time, but they are responsible and respectful. I am thankful to be surrounded by such great friends as these.
Maybe it's a Portland thing or maybe it's just a thing to which I didn't have much exposure before, but I have had so many opportunities and offers and pressure to smoke pot. I'm really just not into it, so it's not much to me, but I'm fascinated by the culture it captures here.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)
November 04, 2007
So many so few
Recently I've had so many ideas and thoughts about which to write, but so few hours to actually formulate the thoughts into clever and/or witty blog reveries.
So here it is, in first-grade terms, in a very small (and organically grown) nutshell:
-I got a promotion at work. I work a lot. I like work. I get free food at work. I have a crush on a boy at work. The boy has a girlfriend.
-I have crafting energy. I have a studio space. I have lots of fabric. I want to make things.
-I have a niece. She is so small and sweet. She snorts and grunts a lot.
-I lost weight. I feel attractive. I am single. I flirt with men. I need a man in my life. I am awkward.
-I have new friends. I miss my other friends. I am going to see my other friends soon. I love my friends.
That there is what's going on nowadays. Five blog posts condensed into one! Huzzah!
Posted by libbystokes at 11:39 PM | Comments (1)
September 03, 2007
A New Season with New Seasons
Image from the New Seasons Market website
I know it's only day two, but I can already see how easy it could be to stay employed with New Seasons for a very long time. I actually felt happy when I left today (until I realized twenty minutes later that I had forgotten to punch out... oops). But really, why would the last half hour of work fly by unless I was really having a good time. At least what I have been doing so far is not that difficult. I am thoroughly impressed with the people I work with, and the customers are all so wonderful too. New Seasons is by far the most caring, obliging, health/environment conscious company I have ever experienced (and worked for). They staff enough people so all the customers are able to be served while the store stays well-maintained. You might get busy, but you don't freak out because you are not alone.
Here are some of my favorites things about them as of yet: At my store, they started out with two trash dumpsters and one green-waste dumpster, but now they have two green-waste and one trash. There are recycling and compost bins all throughout the store. Where most stores have a small, limited selection organic produce section, the extensive produce section at NS is about 90% organic. They have all products that are considered "local" (anything produced or grown in Washington, Oregon and Northern California) labeled in yellow on the shelf rather than white. They have vegan sushi as well as expensive Spanish Prosciutto Ham. They give out samples. You can eat while you shop. They have those mini carts that hold two hand-baskets. They carry palm oil (I had a beast of a time trying to find this in Socal). They give their employees 20% off all purchases. I could keep going.
Anyway, it's fantastic. I'm glad to be there. One of my coworkers said I had pretty eyes. Another stopped me and asked me where I learned such a great work ethic. I had a good day.
Posted by libbystokes at 07:15 PM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2007
Or Where It's Just Beginning
My feet are learning a new landscape. Once so used to the hard expanse of blackness that seals over the dry and thirsty sands of the Southern desert, they have found new delight in a different kind of ground. Rather than reaching in all directions, this ground is a long series of stepping stones, linking vibrant green territories with a grid-like network of flat foot-bridges. Life creeps up between the stones, invading their joints and breaking and slowly nudging them out of their formation. My feet pad along with delight as they explore each unique terrain. And there is life pressing down from above! Plums and figs and apples leave a pattern of little mashed pies all around. Patches of moss take hold in the shadows. Everywhere I want to go, there is a living bridge to carry my glad feet. The Sidewalk.
I guess I could expressed more excitement about the fact that there is actually ground that isn't covered by concrete, but honestly I have been most excited by the fact that in this town the sidewalks are actually used for walking. There is something so simple and wonderful about being able to get around naturally (say it with me, "I have legs!") and safely. I can't count the number of times in LA that I wanted more than anything to just take off from my apartment and just follow my feet. Unfortunately I could only get as far as the end of the parking lot. I can't bear to think of the hideous expanses that make up that city. Here, everything is in walking distance (without necessarily being as crammed in or as populated as Manhattan). It's just so right with my soul. I have probably gotten more sun here than I ever did in LA, only because I'm not stuck in my car all the time. Anyway, I've made friends with the sidewalks.
Posted by libbystokes at 12:26 AM | Comments (0)
July 14, 2007
Sound and Safe
I finished the second leg of my fantastic journey today and arrived in Portland in one piece (thank goodness since I had a rather touch-and-go experience with my car...clutch + cruise control = near disaster). Regardless of any mishaps, it was a lovely drive and it went by really quickly. I listened almost exclusively to David Sedaris' "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." He really is a fabulously witty writer. I felt a little self-conscious at moments realizing what a fool I must look like to passersby-- driving alone in my car, muching on a Luna bar, laughing hysterically. Ah well, no shame here.
As I'm sitting here propped against a pillow, sitting on my sleeping bag on Kate and John's couch again, it's hard not to feel like a visitor in Portland. I think the "move" wont really set in until I finally get into a new house. I think my mind honestly believes that I'm supposed to be back in LA in a week and a half. It's so weird then to not have any real plans at all.
Well, not much to report otherwise. I'm missing my LA life a lot, but also looking forward to a new start.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:25 PM | Comments (1)
June 26, 2007
Videos of the day
I found these videos today on Neatorama and just had to post them. So yeah. Here they are.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:22 PM | Comments (0)
June 20, 2007
Chai love
So I was inspired by the menu of an exclusive and expensive so-cal bakery to make chai cupcakes. I added unsweetened chai mix from Trader Joe's to a box of white cake mix and baked the cupcakes. And I also added some of the chai to basic homemade cream cheese frosting. Put the two together and you get a very sweet and delicious cupcake. Yum! Kudos to Sydney for getting me so fired up for cupcakes in the first place...
Posted by libbystokes at 12:26 AM | Comments (0)
June 02, 2007
Living Devito Loco
I worked a job last night at a BEAUTIFUL house in Beverly Hills. It was a graduation party for the daughter of (?) Danny Devito and Rita Perlman. It was a really nice party and they were great hosts (not always common for famous people of LA). Danny Devito is so much smaller in person, he is so very short. But he is nice, and apparently tells some very fun stories. Also, Rita Perlman looks fantastic for her age and and was very sweet in person. So yay me, I saw celebrities.
Posted by libbystokes at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)
May 23, 2007
Swiss Delight etcetera
I made Gazpacho today. I didn't really use a recipe, although I did call Vicky to check the major ingredients on my list. We chatted about lovely persimmon and copper colored yarns and then I skipped home to make my cold veggie soup. I have eaten so much junk lately, I guess I shouldn't really be surprised that my appetite is rejecting just about everything but vegetables. As gross as it is to have been eating so poorly, it sure feels good to crave vegetables. And what better way to satisfy the craving than with Gazpacho? The irony of the whole thing though is that when I got my beautiful Cuisinart food processor from my dad a while back, I had promised myself that the first thing I would make would be Gazpacho because that is just one of those traditionally "Cuisinart-necessary" foods. Unfortunately I never got around to it, and now my Cuisinart is in storage, so instead I got out my new knife (also a gift from dad and Vicky) and chopped my heart out (that doesn't sound right, but you get me). My soup didn't quite taste like the stuff I grew up on, but I realized that Gazpacho is pretty easy-going: add a veggie here, tweak a measurement there, it should really just taste like good vegetables. So now I am enjoying my garlic-y Gazpacho breath and look forward to scarfing the leftovers (whose flavor only improves with time) in the morning. Yay.
On a totally different note, I have to share this most exciting purchase. I bought this beautiful mousy brown wool blanket from Savers yesterday for $10 (I know, a bit high for Savers, but well worth it when you find out the story behind it...) I really just liked the colors, and the little graphic white cross and how soft it was for being wool. I thought it would be the perfect picnic blanket, or just something to keep in the trunk of the car. I thought it looked old-ish, but didn't think much else into it. Today it occurred to me that maybe the blanket was truly vintage, and maybe it was military something-or-other (I love old army surplus stuff). When I went to look it up online, I discovered that it is a Swiss Army war blanket probably from the fifties or sixties. It's not worth a bundle (I saw prices anywhere from $20-$60), but I like it that much more. First of all, it has historical value, and second of all look at how amazingly it matches the colors in my rug? Yay.
This is my friend Libby Sterling. Yes, her name is Elizabeth Sterling. How incredible is that? She is very cool. She is from Alaska and embodies so much of that North-westness that I wish I had. She approves of Portland, which makes me happy. Anyway, there we are, two Libbys.
And behold, some more friends. I was crashing the Biola Senior Dinner last week. Apparently I have something very large and frightening in my teeth...
Posted by libbystokes at 11:24 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2007
DIY Dreamgirl
This is so great. For the last couple of years, I have noticed that the paint on a thin metal strip on my car just below each front side window has begun to crack and chip. Weathered and washed and weathered some more, it just started to look crappy. Back in high school I had refinished our barbeque with special high heat super duper spray paint and thought this might just do a good job of covering up all the newly exposed shiny metal on the strips on my car. So I spent all of ten bucks on paint, tape, a roll of brown paper, a scraping knife and sand paper and got to work.
And of course I actually started working on it once I had arrived on campus at Biola to visit friends. So the thing that was so great about all this is I'm standing there masking off a little strip of metal on each side of my car, sticking up big sheets of paper with bright blue painter's tape, all this as students and staff are milling about their daily business.
I definately got some looks. And there was more than one "double-take." One guy when walking past me for the second time in a few minutes said, "Ok, you've got me stumped. What
Anyway, the metal window trim turned out perfect and I am feeling the satisfaction tonight that comes with the completion of a project long over-due. (Not to mention the fun of impressing a few men :)
(Speaking of men, I definately feel like I want one right now. But that's another story...)
Posted by libbystokes at 12:43 AM | Comments (0)
May 12, 2007
Give me Mr. Brown
Speaking of design shows...(see previous post)...I have also been enjoying a bunch of cooking shows these days as well. Know that I am a little embarassed to say this, but I have developed a little crush. If you are versed in the Food Network's lineup you are probably thinking, "Oh it's that british guy Oliver or maybe it's Tyler Florence." No, you are wrong.
I love Alton Brown. He is such a great combination of nerdiness, verbosity, science, glasses and food. He is both informative and adorable at the same time. He is like the Bill Nye of food. Yes, I watched that show (and probably after you stopped watching it...). I know he's like fortysomething and married and has an adorable child. I still love him.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:04 PM | Comments (0)
March 22, 2007
Pardon?
You know when someone says something and you can't quite hear them so you say "what?" or "pardon?" You know when someone says something and you hear them loud and clear but you still ask "what?" or "pardon?" Yeah, I noticed that I do this a lot (ask "what?" even though I heard them alright) and so I started wondering why it is that I don't just respond after the first time, but need to hear it again. In the past I have experienced others do the same thing-- I have asked them something, knowing they could hear me, but they had me repeat it. So I know it's not just me, but still I was all of a sudden frustrated at this phenomenon.
I thought back to when I was a kid and I would yell out something to my parents from the other room and they would tell me that if I had a question I should come into the room they were in and ask them to their faces, within speaking distance. And though this always killed me ("I mean, they can hear me yelling at them in the first place so why don't they just yell back the answer rather than make me have to get up and go into another room?!" This was my thinking), it taught me the importance of respecting and honoring someone and their personal space when communicating with them. Even now I can't stand to see kids yelling out to their parents from far away, or even addressing a parent over and over while the parent is preoccupied.
So I started thinking about how this learned principle could be playing into the whole "Pardon Syndrome." Now in most of these situations I am either concentrating on something or just otherwise busy and I'm not already in the midst of a conversation with the person. I'm almost never facing them to begin with, or my head is turned away. So I though, could it be that the reason I need people to repeat their questions is that I wish to begin conversations with a mutual acknowledgment on both sides? It's like I'm forcing them to start over because they skipped the first step-- asking to talk to me in the first place.
Ok, now I know that sounds totally self-righteous. Like you need my permission to address me or something. But all I mean is that it's sort of common curtesy to start a conversation by first securing the other party's attention. A simple "Hey Libby?" will do. You never know, I might just say "Yeah?" instead of "Pardon?"
Of course, I guess I never really say Pardon, so scratch that...
Posted by libbystokes at 07:36 PM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2007
Young and Silly
With certain things, you always hope that you will act or think differently than everyone else. Not necessarily because you don't like how everyone else acts or thinks, but because you want to be the exception for some reason. Go against the flow or something like that.
Sometimes it's a bummer realizing that you aren't the exception, and I'm not quite sure why. There is this guy that I work with (yes, this is going there) and when I first met him I thought, what a nice young man. Now I don't mean "nice young man" the way your neighbor or aunt says it, but "nice" as in kind, moral, and sweet and "man" as in close to my age but not totally immature. Ok, so I thought, what a nice young man. And I continued to think that. And with time I wasn't treating this guy like an acquaintance, but as a friend. And given the circumstances of each of our meetings, we began to act more friend-like toward each other, laughing at things, making fun of things, sharing things, talking about things.
Now, everyone subconsciously considers a person's characteristics to determine whether or not they would make an eligible "interest" (I know it sounds so cheesy, but bear with me). So, as with most single heterosexual females, at several points (based on his responses to outside influences) I did wonder, is he gay? Anyway, I hadn't quite made up my mind on the orientation point, but in the meantime I was rather enjoying our time together, feeling like, maybe this is what it is like to just be friends with a guy...(I can't deny that I have led a rather male-less social existence).
So all this time I'm thinking that I'm not thinking too much about him like I normally think about guys. I don't feel like I'm "trying" to make him like me, which is totally refreshing. And I'm just not thinking about him in any way really, just being friendly to him and with him. (With maybe one exception: as I was carrying his work shirt into the house to be cleaned, I may have smelled his cologne on it and it may have smelled really really good and this may have made me want him right then...)
And then comes the realization that yes, I do think like so many others: he finally said something about his "girlfriend." And I was mad at myself for even feeling a little bummed to hear him say it. Bummed and frustrated because I thought I shouldn't really care, but I do.
After he said it, I was sort of quiet for a bit, thinking about whether it would change the way I thought about him, or acted with him. But then I just went on, being normal, and he did something that I laughed at and I made fun of him and he smiled.
Still now I'm thinking that I will always sort of be aware of it, but in the end I will try to be as "me" as possible because he's a nice young man and I just like him and I'm glad we're friends.
Posted by libbystokes at 07:41 PM | Comments (0)
February 24, 2007
Look Both Ways
I was listening to a show on NPR and they were talking about the CSI effect and how it is changing the expectations of juries and how investigations are now often run with an evidence-heavy perspective. I have watched my fair share of CSI and other crime shows but I generally see through their wildly unrealistic evidential circumstances and quick lab results. And I am used to this. I know that it is part of the show; that I can allow myself to believe for this moment that it is possible to get a DNA match from a phantom saliva sample in just under 24 hours. I have gotten accustom to other things on these shows as well. The gruesome images of victims and the twisted work of violent predators. I have even seen some pretty crazy and disgusting things in movies where people get shot or tortured. And it's sad to think that I am sort of used to these things now. I'm used to seeing people die on TV. But I realized tonight that there is one type of accident that I just can't desensitize myself to: anything involving a moving car. Car accidents. And one of the worst sort of car accident (the kind that even shocks an audience when it's on a screen) is when somebody is hit by a car.
I saw a girl get hit by a car last night. The sound was terrible. And the person she was with screamed the kind of scream you know is pure terror. It was just so intense and sad and scary and frantic. After seeing crazy things on TV shows, this was anything but unreal. It felt so real that it made me sick.
Please please please look before you cross the road, and be careful getting into your car when you park on the street.
Posted by libbystokes at 04:09 PM | Comments (1)
December 26, 2006
Blocked
I left my camera card in Africa when I left in August. After several photo-less months I finally have it back. But there's a horrible domino effect that happens when you don't take pictures. First, you see things EVERYWHERE that you want to snap but you can't, then in your camera-deprived depression you stop feeling inspired about writing, especially since you have no images to go along with your words anyway. Then because you haven't been writing, any idea you
Sooo. I have been taking some pictures, feeling a little more inspired, and simply putting off updating this thing for far too long. With that said...
I went to the Felt Club XL Holiday Craft Fair. It was FANTASTIC! I saw a lot of fun stuff and was really inspired to get making stuff! I want to make things and sell them. That's what I want to do. It was great. I bought some really nice stuff from Jordan Crane. He does really quality work and has great prints for sale. He was there and so all the stuff I got was signed--awesome. Oh, but anyway, this picture was taken outside the Ukranian Cultural Center where the event was held. It was a beautiful day and alas, I couldn't resist the telephone lines.
Sunsets never turn out quite how they look in real life, but this was kind of neat regardless.
Flagpole.
This is something I'm working on right now. I'm wrapping dried bean pods with cotton yarn. I like them, they feel so human.
The whole white yarn thing started with these hands. A friend of mine was trying to describe her artistic process and goals and the best visual we came up with was a thumbwar. I couldn't get the image out of my head and the only way I could think to make a thumbwar was by crocheting it. So I did.
On to more social and less artistic endeavors...this was from Sunny's graduation. It was a good time full of friends and scarves and little petite four in the cafeteria afterward.
I love this.
After the graduation we noticed that there were a bunch of christmas trees outside of the gym that didn't look like they were going to be claimed, so we found the guy in charge and asked if we could take them. It was a fun surprise. A Christmas miracle! At least that's how I saw it...
Leaving for the bad sweater and mug party. My bad sweater is sporting a giant red chess piece, but you can't see it because I am insecurely hiding it under my coat.
Mugs in hand, the party raged on.
Rug shot.
Highlight of the party was our gift exchange. This was one of the best gifts given I think. And maybe the best received as well.
Oh wait, no this was the most enthusiastically received gift. Brother and sister Whipple were way too excited about this Family Guy trivia game. Yay!
Fort night.
I think this picture was actually from Thanksgiving. This is me and Jordan at the holidays.
One of the best things about being home for Christmas this year was seeing Becky and Mary Anne. I'm glad it happened. What an ideal night: Cornish Christmas, houndstooth cashmere scarves, Pumpkin Ale, Spaghetti, hot tea, talk of the future and a little shopping.
This post better have been like a major jolt to my internal blog battery. (See who else has recently taken it up again)
Posted by libbystokes at 11:13 PM | Comments (3)
November 16, 2006
The Usual
I have been working with my aunt lately, running an espresso bar for various catered events like weddings, office parties, bar mitzvahs, etc. I love the job because I get to create and serve drinks to people who can't function without caffeine. They love it, so I love it. Also, each event is at a new location. So every job feels new and different, and we always see new people and places.
Since I have been working with her, I have thought more about what it was/is like to work a "regular" job. And by regular I mean in the same building, with the same people, at the same time, doing the same thing. Discovering how much I love the irregularity of the espresso bar, I fear that I may never be able to handle the regularity of so many other jobs. I love working with coffee, but would working at Starbucks get "old" after about a week of working in the same store? I am truly scared of having a job. I am scared of falling into The Usual.
But then how does this even work? I am the one always saying that I am so sentimental, that I love familiarness, that I hate change. So where does this feeling come from? How do I explain on my resume that of my strengths and weaknesses, I love routine but feel bored without change?
Then I wonder if maybe this attitude I have wont somehow show up in my relationships. I feel like I enjoy relational routines. Spending time with familiar people doing the same things. But what if I flip out and decide that I can't stand it and need something new?
How do I face (change?) the fact that I am truly a child of my generation-- someone who gets bored after 35 seconds of one thing.
Posted by libbystokes at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)
October 23, 2006
Little Did You Know
I'll bet you didn't know how important Public Radio has been for me. There are certain aspects of my upbringing that I proudly cite as important (and sometimes a little unusual) influences. The list includes: having grown up on 10 acres; having used power tools since I was a child; having learned how to sew well; having eaten delicious, beautiful and exotic foods; having lived in a forest and with snow; having driven a tractor; having built things by hand; having grown food in a garden; having been able to see the stars every night; etc.
I attribute my introduction and love for Public Radio to my Dad. Saturday mornings were often spent tinkering around in the garage, listening to Car Talk. Another garage favorite was A Prairie Home Companion. Also, during high school, every morning during the drive into town we always listened to Capital Public Radio for NPR. The little morning jingle of NPR and the familiar voices of Garrison Keillor and Tom and Ray Magliozzi will always evoke happy memories of time spent with Dad.
This American Life is another Public Radio show that I listened to growing up. And the primary motivation behind this post is to announce my joy upon learning that the This American Life podcast is now free! (As tender and special a memory it might illicit, I will not spent $1 a show.) So should you feel to join in on a special part of the Public Radio world, go to www.thislife.org or find the podcast through iTunes and sign up to get the show each week. Public Radio may have a rather nerdy reputation, but know that as long as I get reception I'll tune in.
Posted by libbystokes at 04:11 PM | Comments (0)
October 20, 2006
Learning Loneliness
You know when you are anticipating an event so much that you not only imagine what it will be like, you even feel sad for when it will end? Does that make sense? Like this: say your friend is visiting you and you haven't seen her in years. You are certainly excited about the visit and all that you have planned. You are going to have a great time together. But even before she arrives, you are mourning her departure.
I think that's how I feel. I am excited about this next year. I look forward to working and playing and making art and hanging out with friends and living in this town. But I know this "time" will end and I am already feeling so sad. The stupid thing about it is that I probably wont be leaving here for a year-- so I would be mad to stay all bummed about what's to come. But it's just so hard to go on enjoying things as if they will always be the way they are. Every time I leave my friends for the evening, I could cry because I feel like I will never see them again. That's so crazy! I will see them the next day! How do you make the most of something when you know you are just trying to "make the most of it"?
I consider myself a middle of the road Extrovert/Introvert. They ask, "are you energized by being around people or by spending time alone?" Um, both? Having finally finished school, I realized that I wouldn't be spending nearly as much time around campus, around friends, around teachers, around people. And with the thought of leaving town (on the horizon) I got into that "make the most of it" mode, so I have sort of switched into Extrovert overdrive. I have been trying to spend as much time with people as possible to kind of soak them up before I take off. But as with any drug, the side affect of extroversion is severe lonliness.
The other day, for the first time since I can remember, I couldn't sit still in my apartment. I was alone, and all I could think about was getting out of there. I needed people and companionship and friends.
God it's hard learning loneliness.
A friend of mine has a secret hole in the ground. She has set up a seat and a little shelf for books in the hole. She has hung fabric over the carved clay walls. Today she pulled the plywood cover away and showed me. We climbed in and sat down and she asked me to tell her a secret. It got me thinking about what I don't tell people. I have a lot of emotions and feelings I don't really share. I gave her a pretty vague answer. It was the truth, but it was vague. A blog (no matter how infrequently read) probably isn't the best shrink, but here are some of my feelings:
I am lonely sometimes. I want desperately to be shown and told that I am an acceptable and desirable friend. I love to be needed, but I don't like needy people. I sometimes assume that people are thinking badly about me because I am so critical of them. I am very patient. I am almost always happy, even when I worry or feel lonely. I am scared of God.
I think those feelings are pretty normal. So I am doing all right.
Posted by libbystokes at 01:00 AM | Comments (1)
October 13, 2006
Stouts and Saxaphones
Yesterday my Disneyland pass expired. I have had the pass for four years, which still suprises because each year when it came time for the pass to expire, I somehow found the money and incentive to renew. I never would have imagined as a kid that I'd have had a year-round pass to Disneyland! It has been so fun. As I've gotten to know the parks, there have been certain things that I always looked forward to doing, little routines and habits.
When I go to California adventure I always have to go though the Mission Tortilla Factory to get a free tortilla hot off the press. "Maseca!" I have to go into the Animation building to sit for a while and watch the cartoon clips.
I have to get a cream cheese pretzel (believe me, they're amazing). I have to look backwards over my shoulder on Thunder Mountain. I have to eat at the Bengal Barbeque.
So on my last visit yesterday, I made sure to try to get in all my favorite little activities. It was a really satisfying day. But there were a few changes. Not only are there the things i always like to do, there are the things I always wanted to do, but never did. I had always wanted to get a margarita in the Mexican food area in California Adventure, and I have always wanted to steal the keys from the dog's mouth on Pirates of the Caribbean. Unfortunately I didn't get to do either. I showed up to buy the margarita just two minutes after they closed. So instead I bought a "Downtown After Dark" beer (In honor of my sister, I asked for the darkest, "hoppiest" beer). There was something so rebellious and strange about buying alcohol in Disneyland. It was fun. Haha!
The keys, unfourtunately were a failure. I didn't get to the ride in time, so it was closed. (And though I hate to admit it, I just don't think I would have had the guts to get out of the boat and take them anyway). Oh well.
I did steal something else instead. Ok, bear with me here. In the entrance line to Indiana Jones, there are pillars that hold plants in the top. And I have always thought (don't ask, I am just wierd like this...) that it would be cool to steal a piece of the plant (because it's a spider plant and is easily transplanted). So yesterday in line, I jumped up and pulled a little bit of plant down and tucked it away in my purse. You should have seen the face of the guy in front of us. I have a feeling that I am going to make some guy a lucky (though often confused) man someday :)
Anyway, it was a very good last trip to Disneyland, and I will really miss it.
Across the wide, cement drainage ditch behind our apartment complex is a residential neighborhood. In one of the homes there is saxophonist. Several times a week he or she can be heard practicing. It's not always pretty. But it is always patriotic. Tonight I listened to a slightly garbled national anthem. It always sort of feels like I should be in New York, leaning out of my window and yelling at the neighbor kids to keep it down. That would be fun.
Posted by libbystokes at 07:19 PM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2006
Portland Says Hello
Portland was so good. The city is just so fun and funky and real. Just as I suspected, it is just the perfect combination of nature and activity and art. It attracts the kind of people who's creativity and craft is making it a center for upcoming musicians and crafters. A friend of mine who I have known since the fifth grade has been living in Portland for the last year, making a name for herself as a talented singer/musician. I hadn't seen her in nearly five years, so I met up with her down in the Clinton District at a little place called Savoy. It was so neat just to hear a familiar voice and see what she has been up to in life. Nevada City has produced some very talented people, and I'm glad Portland is now fostering Alela's talent so well.
On Thursday Katie and I took the bus down to the Pearl District for First Thursdays. The quality of art was higher than Last Thursdays, but still very down to earth, fun and inspiring. The Pearl District was made up of buildings used for shipping and receiving, but the warehouses that line the street have since been converted into art galleries and posh little restaurants and gift shops. The community is growing quickly because of the crowd that First Thursdays draws. Because the buildings in this part of the city were mainly old warehouses and factories, the view looking up the street into downtown is full of worn brickwork, rusty reds, and faded graffiti. It's so great.
After First Thursdays, we walked a few blocks to the Crystal Ballroom, where we saw Mat Kearney play. The Crystal Ballroom boasts one of the few (if only) remaining "floating dance floors" in the states. Walking on this floor is an interesting experience, and I've heard that dancing on it is amazing. A guy named Griffin House opened for Mat Kearney, and we were all really surprised by him. He's the type of artist who you hear and then wonder how you had missed him on your radar all this time. Check him out.
I left Portland on friday. It was a very bittersweet farewell. I sat on the Max on the way to the airport, listening to The Weepies, looking out at the city. I was sad to go. I wrote this in the airport:
So sad to go.
The overcast came on the last day like a stopping fog-- don't leave!
My scarf is hugging my neck so warm-- don't leave!
Swirled pastries are handcuffs on my stomach,
Foot traffic pulverized leaves are in my nose and heart-- don't leave!
Art, family, community, Jesus is in this place-- don't leave! Don't Leave!
I'm not much of a poet. But that's where my heart was.
Since I've been back I have just been trying to figure out how to prepare myself for the next step. Do I start phasing myself out of my routine here as a way to get used to not being around friends and family and places? Or do I just soak it all in as much as possible until I leave? The first option sounds kind of lame to me. So I guess I will just make the most of my time here until it comes time to move on.
Posted by libbystokes at 12:44 PM | Comments (2)
June 28, 2006
Looking for the Africa Blog?
I will be in Africa for seven weeks starting July 8th, so please visit my Africa blog for pictures, stories, and updates.
-Libby
Posted by libbystokes at 01:11 AM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2006
So Single
My roommate just celebrated her four year anniversary with her boyfriend. My other roommate has been with her boyfriend for over four years. Another roommate has recently started dating a really great guy. And my other roommate is at the beginning of what could become a relationship.
What doesn't help me here is that last night I watched the pilot episode of a new show that just started called "How to get the guy." This just made me feel so single.
Anyway, this is just a strange time to be "out there." I have friends who are nearing thirty and are still single, I have friends who are getting married at 21. One problem is that it seems like the people I have been around the last four years aren't the type to date. I don't mean that they aren't datable, just that they aren't likely to ask you out on a date.
Then I have the problem of "The Standard."
The Standard is the mental picture of what your ideal guy could look and act like and what his general interests could be. This Standard is good because it gives you some sort of guidelines for scouting a crush and then for being sure a guy is your type (but how do I even know what my type is?!...). The Standard is bad because it is made up of a lot of character possibilities, which means that you end up being torn between liking one guy from either end of your Standard spectrum. One guy is witty and fun, but a little too unrestrained; the other is very godly and sweet, but not very clever. (And I say this like I have my pick or something... they are all just waiting for me to make my decision...ha!)
I don't know what else to say. Just that it's hard watching others find fun and love in relationships. That excitement of being someones "interest" is a really fun part getting to know people. I want that.
Posted by libbystokes at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)
June 09, 2006
Megan and Mason
I was lying in bed last night and I couldn't sleep. I don't remember what my train of thought was, but somehow I took myself back to seventh or eighth grade when I used to go to Barbara's workplace after school. She's a physical therapist, and at the time she was working at the special ed school that was just down the road from my junior high. Rather than take the bus home (which was out of the question if you were older than ten), I followed the dirt trail that wound through the woods between the schools until I got to her work, where I would stay until she was done for the day.
I liked being there mostly because there were lots of toys and big foam block furniture and bright colors. But the more I visited, I got to know some of the kids who she worked with regularly. Two in particular I remember fondly. One was Megan. I don't remember exactly how old she was, maybe eight or nine, and I don't remember exactly why she had to come. But she was in a powerchair, and she was all smiles. Usually while she was working with Barbara I would go outside and play with her little sister Emma, who had so much energy and was a cute little girl. But then I would come in and we would all play together. I remember Megan's reaction time was slightly delayed sometimes, so you had to be careful not to frighten her or disorient her, but we always had fun. She laughed so much, and I just remember her always smiling when you looked at her. One day I brought in daisy-chain crown and gave it to Megan. She loved it. I think Barbara took a picture-- I wish I could see it again.
Little mason was another kid who Barbara worked with. He was a feisty little redhead. Barbara always called me Libby Loo, which Mason picked up, only when he said it it came out Yibby Yoo. I don't remember much else about Mason, but that he was adorable.
I really miss those times. I'm sure at first I was hesitant to work with or get to know kids in wheelchairs, but I'm glad I did. It sounds so cliche, but I really will always remember them.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)
June 07, 2006
Chick Flick
Why do women see chick flicks? They always seem like a good idea, but turn out to have disastrous affects on us. At least they do on me.
I wont even say which silly chick flick I saw tonight, because it's doesn't deserve my heartache. When I was in high school it seemed like chick flicks caused crushes on actors. Us girls would get all swoony over some famous cute boy and we would have daydreams of marrying him and having his beautiful babies. But now, these movies just remind me of my singleness, and I pay little attention to the actors and think instead of the principle of the fairytale itself-- "When is this going to happen to me?"
I know this isn't at all new. I know I'm not the first to worry that I will still be single at age 30. I know that movies can make me feel these feelings much more acutely and that in a day or two I will feel differently. What I don't know is why I continue to throw myself into the torment that is the chick flick.
Posted by libbystokes at 11:09 PM | Comments (0)
June 02, 2006
Amelie moment
I swear it wasn't on purpose, or maybe it was my subconcious that made me do it...
I turned on the Amelie soundtrack today and within a few minutes I had taken out my toolbox and begun to empty it out and clean it. I didn't realize the connection until I had started emptying it, but it's funny nonetheless.
Posted by libbystokes at 05:00 PM | Comments (0)
April 16, 2006
Little Mary Jane and her Daddy
I had a dream a couple nights back that I was among some decrepit old houseboat type contraptions and that I had to get from place to play by walking across shabby, rotten 2x6's that bridged mucky, green water. Somewhere along all my maneuvering, I came across my dad. He was wearing his old, red, flannel lumberjack coat and he told me he was going to go get high. I dropped everything and went with him.
Now tell me what that means...
Posted by libbystokes at 10:47 PM | Comments (0)
Easter treats and hair trims
In honor of the Easter tradition I had growing up of cinnamon rolls and strawberries with powdered sugar, I shared a small feast with my roommate this morning.
Also, here is my new haircut-- documented in typical "internet" fashion (self-shot).
Ciao! and Happy Easter.
Posted by libbystokes at 01:08 PM | Comments (0)
April 08, 2006
You know it's Spring when...
Your fresh pink toe nails and your new purple flip-flops match the Johnny Jump Ups. I love Spring.
Today was one of those "let's inaugurate Spring by cleaning a little" days. First I went outside and wiped off the stool on our porch and watered my plant that was sitting on it. Then I noticed that the rungs on the stool were pretty dusty, so I wiped those off too. Getting down to the bottom, I noticed that the porch itself was looking a little grimy, so I moved the table and chairs to one side and got down on my knees and washed away the months of dirt. Then, standing outside and looking in, I saw that the sliding doors were quite a mess from all the rain we have had, so I gave them a nice little windexing. Everything now looks nice and tidy. It felt so good. When lunch rolled around, my roommate and I had our meal out on the porch. It is such a glorious Spring day!
Posted by libbystokes at 05:01 PM | Comments (0)
April 02, 2006
Whim
For the last few weeks it seems like every time I have gone to brush my hair, I have looked at it in the mirror and longed for change. I am not one for spontaneity, but today I gave in after a few hours of deliberation. Let me tell you-- It's one thing to decide to cut your hair and then go off to the salon, but when that first "chop" is under your control, taking off ten inches is like pulling out a loose tooth. Anyway, I did it. And here is my evidence. (I'd put a picture of me on here, but I'm not ready to take any "self-pictures-for-the-internet." They always look so cheesy).
-Libby
Posted by libbystokes at 05:31 PM | Comments (1)
March 23, 2006
L.A. mountains and the attic bees
It is such a beautiful day! Just a few days into Spring and L.A. is living up to its reputation. Fortunately L.A. failed at one thing this morning: the Smog. When I left my apartment and turned onto Beach Boulevard, there far off in the distance beyond La Habra was a stretch of the most gorgeous snow covered mountains. Smogless mornings like this are a rarity, and so warrant much jubilation and picture-taking. I am content for a moment.
A few weeks ago we noticed outside our window a sort of small swarm of bees. Though we inquired to the manager about it, nothing was heard on the subject for a while...until today. It seems that pest control came today to check things out and concluded that based on the number of bees outside, there could be between six and ten thousand bees in the hive, as well as thirty to forty pounds of honey. Imagine that! And this is all taking place just inches above my bedroom ceiling! It's all very fascinating. Tomorrow they will be coming to blow a hole in our ceiling and blast those bees to oblivion. If they didn't have to pump the attic full of pesticides, I would ask them to save me some honeycomb, but I don't think they'll care to honor that request...
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 01:08 PM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2006
Grunion Run and Ticklebacks
Last night I went with my roommate to the Cabrillo Marine Aquarium to watch the Grunion Run. Grunion are a small fish that come onto the beach several days after the highest tide to lay their eggs. The event is widely anticipated by biology geeks throughout the Southern California and upper Baja regions. My roommate had to go for her biology class, so I thought it would be interesting to go along. Needless to say, we didn't end up staying long enough to see the fish actually make their trek up onto the sandy shore; it was late and we were getting cold. But we did get to watch a video on the strange bi-monthly occurance, as well as hatch some of our own tiny little Grunion eggs in a baby food jar. It was all very interesting and extrememely nerdy.
While we were waiting for the Grunion around eleven o'clock, sitting on the beach, the family in front of us starting doing something that reminded me how important traditions are and that we have more in common with each other than we might think. It sounds silly, but they were writing messages to each other on their backs with their finger, one letter at a time. This is something we did in our family before bedtime when we were little kids. I had forgotten all about it, so it put a smile on my face (especially since the family I was watching had primarily teen boys-- not a type I would expect to so publicly participate in an what I see as a motherly, tender and personal activity). It was just a strange moment; the small joy I felt in recognizing a forgotten family past time combined with the shivery anticipation of being able to watch thousands of fish mate on the beach. How very odd.
Posted by libbystokes at 03:03 PM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2006
Next
God,
Hi, it's me. I've been thinking, can you please tell me what to do next? Or maybe just give me a clue? Or send someone to help? Or just point me in the right direction-- any direction! I know that I am no good at having big plans of my own-- you are much better at omniscience than I. So, if you please, I would like a future.
Thank you.
Posted by libbystokes at 12:39 AM | Comments (0)
December 10, 2005
New toys
I finally got my computer upgrade. For some reason it feels very weird to have my own photoshop and illustrator. I guess I have just gotten so used to using computers at school for design and projects, that I hadn't thought about actually having my very own!! It's so exciting! So I got CS2 and of course Biola always has some sort of deal going on so I got the new iPod video.* it's fun getting new toys. Especially when you have been waiting for soooo long.
I went to the early premiere of Chronicles of Narnia last night with my friend Lauren. I got to get all dressed up and pretty. It was neat to see everyone all decked out. I can see why couples need to go out to nice things every once and while--girls just need to be pretty and girly and guys like to feel handsome and helpful. The movie was really good. I was really surprised how well acted the childrens' parts were. Lucy's character is such a sweet little girl.
We bought a Christmas tree here at our apartment. It was so needed--I just love being Christmasy. I put on Kenny G. Miracles and of course all my roommates groaned that he was so cheesy and middle-aged jazz. Whatever, it's just not Christmas without Kenny G.
My mom will be home in just a few days. It's hard not to just think about seeing her because I have to focus on finals. I am giving a presentation in one class and literally walking out the door right after I finish so that I can get to LAX to see her. It will have been exactly one year and one month. Wow. I wonder if she will have United States culture shock.
*I don't quite know how to handle myself with an iPod. I hadn't been all crazy to get one and honestly, one of the biggest reason for me to get one was so that I could keep big files on it to move between computers. But I was sitting in my studio the other day and it was the first time I actually could sit down and listen to music. And it was so strange-- I had a hard time thinking that I was missing out on the companionship of my studio neighbor or my teacher walking by. Who would stop and talk to someone with "earbuds" in? It made me feel just so anti-social. And I don't run or anything so it's not like I will use it for that. And even though it has the video thing, I'm sure not going to pay to put movies on it. The only thing I can think is that it would have been really nice to have when I flew to Texas. But of course the next flight I'm taking is going to be with my mom and I will want to talk to her. It comes down to this-- I just don't have the nerve to join a people who spend so much time not interacting with the world. So I have an iPod, that doesn't mean I have to be an iFreak. Schpeal.
On a less pop-culture-expensive-toy-to-waste-your-money-on note, my friend has a grapefruit tree in her back yard that is just booming with fruit! I love grapefruit. She lets me take huge bagfuls home with me and I cut them up like my dad taught me (where you cut off the skin and then cut each section out so it's just pure fruit goodness) and add brown sugar and eat and eat and eat. I hope you can't get sick from too much grapefruit. Well at least I'm getting my vitamin C. (Which I will need as I am going to Portland for Christmas, and Katie informed me today that it has been in the 30's--I'm bringing some yummy scarves with me...)
I can't get the song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap out of my head. It's good. Very artsy fartsy music.
I had my senior show meeting today and am very excited and encouraged for getting started. I feel like I have been working toward something that I just didn't see until today. It all clicked in the meeting and I just said, "I can do that?!" Like it wasn't allowed. At this point I'm feeling like making a huge thing of quilted yo-yos and somehow using a clay root that I made and maybe some green origami stars. Crazy. I don't even have the words to describe the image that's starting to appear in my head. I'm just very excited!
God is so good.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 12:08 AM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2005
My Sister's Twin
I am sitting out on my little patio, thoroughly enjoying weather that couldn't be more amiable. We are upstairs, so the tops of the trees are rustling, flitting, and dancing in the breeze. I keep getting whifs of what smells like fresh laundry and flowers. It reminds me of my Aunt Diana's house-- it always smells like clean linen, one of my favorite scents.
Autumn is coming. (A little later here than in other places; LA is so stubborn). One of our neighbors has a freshly carved pumpkin on their patio railing. It's smiling happily out at everyone who passes by; not one of those mal-intentioned gourds. I could be perfectly content just to sit here all evening. The dishwasher is humming away-- swish-swish-SHAW, swish-swish-SHAW, swish-swish-SHAW-- and every now and then an airplane goes by. The ice cream truck is playing "It's a Small World" in the neighborhood across the street.
My sister recently wrote about her experience out on her porch (A combination of two entries: 1 and 2). Some people look out at the moon and think of their sister far away, but I like to find myself in the same types of places where she would be. That's how I feel connected to her. Both of us sitting on our patios, dreaming about Nevada City in October, hot mulled cider, trick-or-treaters, and cozy jackets. I love you Kate.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 02:45 PM | Comments (0)
February 03, 2005
Revival
Did you ever want a revival, but knew that if you got one, you would be too skeptical or critical to believe?
I want a revolution, I need a change. But sometimes we want what we are not brave enough to leap into. In sixth grade we went to a ropes course. I harnessed up, climbed the trunk of the tree and stood on the small platform. There was a bar a few feet in front of me. I wanted to jump, I wanted to grab it hard and feel that accomplished exhilaration. I stood there for so long. I began to focus on everything around me-- the ground so far away, the other students bored with my hesitations, and the teacher urging and encouraging me. My memory of self-esteem is such that in my head, I wasn't brave and I let myself be lowered slowly by the rope. I am pretty sure I did jump, though I just barely touched the bar and fell.
I need to jump. I have been standing on this platform for too long. And the longer I stand, the harder the jump gets, the farther the ground seems. Yet my teacher keeps on urging me. Every day I hear him-- Jump, Libby. But teacher, I don't know how! What if I fall? Libby, I have you harnessed and secure-- you're safe because I'm holding the rope. Jump... Jump... Jump.
I'm afraid that after I jump I will climb right back up and forget that I already know how! I need a revival.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 10:59 PM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2005
Not to bag
Not to bag on the SoCalians, but these guys seriously don't know how to handle rain. I watched the news the first day it started raining a couple of weeks ago and when the weathercast came on, the guy was like, "It's been a wet one, hasn't it. Unfortunately I can't say tomorrow will be any better. You should expect another day of heavy rain. Watch for flooding on the roads and be sure to drive carefully on the freeways, they can get pretty slick in this heavy rain."
Come on. Are you serious? Have you never seen a raindrop? People all around me are like, "Geez, I hate this weather. When is it going to be sunny and warm again?" I know this is Southern California, but there are seasons.
I don't know, I just think it's funny that people start freaking out when the temperature drops below 78 degrees, or when water falls from the sky.
Not that I don't feel bad for those whose homes are getting washed away in the mud slides. But this is the desert and when it rains, it rains. Maybe if there weren't so much cement, the water would have somewhere to go...
I'm just saying.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)
December 27, 2004
Christmas greetings etc.
Christmas is past. The best holiday of the year. Gosh I wish I could have been at my other home, but being with my Dad has been nice. I know he's glad to have me around too. Although I sure hate how he tells everyone that he feels like he was short-changed in terms of time he got with me over the last 8-ish years. I'm sure that's some sort of bash on my mom. He probably thinks she brainwashed me into thinking he was some horrible person. No, she didn't. It was actually a result of an unfortunate relationship he had at the time coupled with the effect that had on my sister. I just followed suit. But hey, the past is over. I am here now and I'm glad I get to have time with him.
I got a digital camera--yay! Now I can finally take some pictures. I don't know of what yet, but we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll post some stuff here.
I feel really lazy right now. I haven't done anything today. I did make some creme brulee. That was fun. I got to use the blow torch. cool.
Alias starts next wednesday. I think I will burst. I hope beyond all hopes that I am able to watch it in the lobby over interterm. If people get between me and the TV they might just get hurt.
Ok, that's all.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 09:00 PM | Comments (0)
December 10, 2004
Overachiever
Jules says I am an overachiever. She says people "hate" me behind my back because I schmooze with the teachers and do more than I need too. I don't know what she is talking about.
I don't feel like I am an overachiever... I try as hard as I can to do the assignment, and not usually more. Don't overachievers go above and beyond the assignment? Perhaps those who regularly do less than what is assigned (ahem, Jules...) see those who do par as overachievers. Hmm, perhaps.
She said, "you're like David Cole." "No," I said. He is a great artist. But what she sees in him is something I don't nearly have enough of: huge artistic ambition. I have ideas, but I don't take the initiative very often. Jules, I am honored to be compared to him, but I am not much like him in this way.
Anyway...
I thought of something interesting the other day that I thought I would share, but I can't seem to remember what it is.
I am really sad that I can't take the bookmaking class over interterm. I really love that kind of thing, and I would much rather do it than digital photo, but that will be fun too, and I really have to take it anyway if I want to finish on time. Maybe I'll stop by after my class is over to see what they will be doing... I will miss that letter press, even though I didn't try to use it much.
Finals are under way. I can't wait to go home. I am going to watch Alias season 3. You don't even know how much I love Alias. and season 4 starts in January. Oooo.
Well. I'm done.
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 12:28 AM | Comments (1)
December 06, 2004
Finals and Christmas
First of all:
I am not so good right now. Finals...uh, no. Definately not sitting well with me. It's been worse, but I think it has something to do with other things going on. Like not just a stomach ache, but a stomach ache and then getting pulled over for speeding. Or like not just a migraine, but a migraine and then coming home to a lightswitch rave. Yeah.
So I am having bad feelings about the next two days. And normally around finals I sit here and think to myself: "Self, just a few more days of insanity and then you get to go home to a nice warm fire, yummy pumpkin spice candles, garland, a tree, some apple cider, and all this with a very welcoming mother waiting at the door. You can lay around, listen to Kenny G. Christmas music, relax. Get some gifts, give some gifts, see your fam. Life will be good in no time."
But this time around, I am thinking to myself: "Self, something is very wrong. Life is crappy, BUT you have very little of the usual yummy familiarness to look forward to. Instead you are at one end of a dark tunnel, looking for the familiar glow at the end and only seeing a little l.e.d. blinking. Crap." The only good thing is my dad. But besides being with him, i'll be sleeping in a bed I hardly know, living in a house that's not really mine, visiting with family who are still mostly strangers to me. Of course there's my sister too, but I will probably only see her for a day or two. And after all this Christmas-time business I get to come back to school. Yay. I'm thinkin that change is not one of my favorite foods. Woe is me. (In light of my lameness, Jesus was born on Christmas, and that's pretty dang cool. I mean, he has a human body-- how rad is that? He came to redeem complainers like me and he went through some much crappier times. Thanks God, and I'm sorry for being so selfish.)
Second of all:
I don't know, there is really only one big thing.
I did build a treehouse. That was cool. It's by the sculpture room. But that's about it.
Posted by libbystokes at 01:03 AM | Comments (0)
November 26, 2004
Yams vs. Sweet Potatoes
Did you know...
You have probably never eaten a yam? Yes, yams are not generally grown in the United States. True yams are grown in some asian countries and Africa. The name comes from the African name Nyami which means "to eat," not surprising when the yam is a main staple over there.
Sweet potatoes are grown in the United States. The reason we still see both names in markets? There are different varieties of sweet potoatoes: the dark orange, sweet variety and the yellow, starchier, less sweet variety. They are still the same plant (scientific name: Ipomoea Batatas) while true yams are an entirely differnt plant (scientific name: Dioscorea Alata.). We originally called our two varieties by different names to make buying and selling them easier. The name yam was derived from the African "nyami." But now there is general confusion as to what is a yam and what is a sweet potato.
So the straight facts:
A yam is a plant that grows mainly in Africa and other tropic countries. Yams are not grown in the United States. Sweet potatoes are grown in the United States. There are several varieties of sweet potoato-- the more orange, sweet variety (commonly called yams to differentiate them from the other variety) and the yellow, less sweet variety.
Anyway, I thought this was interesting. I had heard about it a long time ago, but never really took the time to know the facts. Not that it's so important. In fact, whenever I tell people random, little-known facts like these, I usually sound stuck-up. I mean, who really cares whether they are eating a yam or a sweet potato? I don't even really like sweet potatoes.
I guess I just like knowing stuff. Or maybe it's fun to be right (which makes someone else wrong...) Heh Heh...
-Lib
Posted by libbystokes at 10:48 AM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2004
Live Weblogger journal
So what's with this whole blog thing anyway?
Why do I do this and who is it for? I wouldn't dare call this a journal because anything I would write in a journal I would most certainly not make available to the whole world. But if it's not a journal... A web log? A log of what? When I think of a log, I think of those charts in the bathrooms at Walmart that keep track of who last cleaned the toilets or replaced the paper towels. No, this is not a log.
Maybe I was wrong about the whole journal thing. Maybe what I think of as a journal is really a Diary. And this is like a public Diary-- a journal. Stuff that's not so private that it has to be hidden under my mattress, but not so important that I have to tell every person I see. Grrr, why do I bother...
So yeah, I'm pretty sure you are in my class, right? Who else would be reading this? I mean, I have totally been reading your blog, so don't get all freaky on me. I'm probably the only one who has written a jillion entries. I'm such a nerd.
Below: Where are the others? I think I should transfer to some obscure midwest christian college.
"I want to walk through the galleries of the renovated MoMA and hear your comments on this piece or that.
I want to find that little diner just off broadway and eat a bowl of soup with you.
I want to get lost in Central Park again with you.
I want to take the subway to china town and take you back to that great italian dessert shop on mulberry st.
I want to sit in a broody cafe in soho and write poetry, real honest to goodness poetry as you sketch the world around us.
I want to teach you chess on a cement bench in the middle of some tree lined park.
I want to take the train home late at night with your head asleep on my shoulder."
One of these days. Libby
Posted by libbystokes at 11:46 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2004
Boys
A good friend of mine is going through "being single" pains. I can definately identify with her. We were talking about a guy friend of ours who is really just one of those green slash white flags. He isn't necessarily out of our league, but because he is so definately a green flag and nearly all of his qualities are great, he seems too good to be true. The sad part of the story is that he is taken. Ah, such is life. The only hope we have is that he himself assured us that there are other good guys out there (even if they all live in the mid-west).
So we just have to take singleness one day at a time. I would say that 85% of the time I am glad to be single. In all practicality, I just wouldn't have time to be a good girlfriend these days. I hardly have time to call my best friend. So yeah. Boys are great, but great boys are taken. God has my great boy taken, it just doesn't look like it yet.
-Libby
ps. Ask me about the flag system-- it's really quite interesting.
Posted by libbystokes at 12:49 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2004
Rain
I love the rain! It's the first real rain in something like 83 days. At least that's what they said on the news. I love the smells and the sounds. Now it feels like fall. I think I am going to put on some of my favorite christmas music right now and just enjoy this moment.
I wrote this about rain:
"There are few times that such a gray sky is so inviting. Everyone looks up to see this new scenery int he air, this blanket that brings with it the joy of a cool breeze and sprinkles of water on your nose. Then close your eyes. WE all breathe in that musty wet asphalt and pine needles. The ground opens up to release a treasure of scents that are such a treat. Windows and doors fly open to soak up the fragrance. Ahhh, the first rain of autumn."
Posted by libbystokes at 11:08 PM | Comments (0)