(For Ramón-- with his poetry, inspiration and encouragement)

Nigeria+Tiltshift=Wow.

Then it usually goes one of two ways: Either she breaks the trance by grabbing a towel, drying her hands and putting the smile back on, or she packs her bags and doesn't leave a note.

I wish there was another alternative.

I suppose it comes down to this: The individuals attracted to the People's Temple (Jim Jones' church and following) wanted good things. They wanted racial equality, peace, healing, community. They wanted to grow their own food and take care of the poor, sick and elderly. They wanted someone to lead them to these ideals. Unfortunately that person was Jim Jones. It's not wrong to want good things. And it's probably good to be disturbed by the failings of a particularly influential person who was so off-base about Jesus and the Church. I should feel more confident about my desires in light of this folly, right?

God, I am so mad at Jim Jones! He makes me scared to want the things I want, and I hate that.

This movie.

Read everything you can get your hands on from trustworthy sources.
Watch every debate, every interview, every appearance.
Watch a season of the West Wing for referential purposes.
Ask opinions of those whom you trust, those who can give you opinions and perspectives that aren't over-emotional or angry.
When assessing candidates consider those values, traits and practices that are most important to you, and don't let one issue drag you down.
Remember that you'll never agree with every single thing a candidate stands for.
Look for areas where you resonate with a candidate.
Know that God is bigger than politics; he is not an American.

Someone once told me that the best leaders are those who surround themselves not only with the smartest people they know, but with people who don't always agree with them. Think about that.

Some things I was reading in Titus got me thinking: "An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it......To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good." (6-9, 15, 16)

It's easy to judge a candidate based on what people are saying, what you hear, how they sound, what they look like. Now I'm trying to judge them as leaders, as I would an elder to the body of Christ. Rather than just looking at statistics and numbers, I'm asking these questions in order to get to the heart of their character, to understand better how they might lead: What does your family look like? Have you treated them well, lead them well, kept them whole and healthy? How do you use your own money? What do you spend it on and how important are your belongings? How do you treat the poor, the sick, the needy? How do you treat women? Are you honest and disciplined? Do you speak to people as if they are intelligent, do you give them the benefit of the doubt? What are your weaknesses? What does your team look like? Does your team have strengths that balance those weaknesses?

Now although there are similarities, we are not really electing an elder for the Church. Nor can we know the answers to all these questions. I just hope that everyone tries hard to learn as much as they can so when the time comes, they feel confident about the choice they make. Like Kate says, "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do anything. I couldn't say to my daughter, 'I just sat back and watched.' I have to be proactive."

So, go register to vote if you haven't already. Read read read. Think, stew, ponder. Listen to your gut, listen to your heart, listen to your experience, listen to your soul, listen to your trusted friends. Then, with confidence, pride and prayer, GO VOTE.

I end up the dasher of my own dreams when I have to reason with myself that "tall, strong, clever and impossibly handsome" does not end up with "quiet, ordinary and cautious." Not only that, but like me he does not come without his own set of vices, bad habits and off-days.

But maybe this is only to console myself. For certainly (because I don't live in a fairy-tale) that radiant, talented and socially adept goddess of a woman who does win the beau will have a number of difficulties to face in her relationship with him. I cannot let it be easy for her, I will not let it be easy for her.

And yet I don't want to let that little flicker of fairy-tale hope die, just in case dreams do come true. I'll keep holding on. I'll pin my curly paper fortune-cookie prize on the wall, and when I have doubts I will read it aloud: "YOU ARE A TRUE ROMANTIC."

An iced tea, Modest Mouse and a happy mirror.
The tables all set out in pretty colors, a smoky barbeque.
Hot dogs, wiffleball, a tanktop and shorts.
Babies, cool grass, strangers and old friends.
Walking home from the park and another iced tea.
A soft couch, sweetly nut-scented sunflowers and the thrills of Prince Edward Island.

(Forgive me as I just cannot escape the urge to list.)

The popping noise made when plucking seed pods from the marigold plants.
The icy-cold can of coke in my hand
The sudden and brief downpour during which I got locked out of the house
The silent drive home from the car-repair shop
The cool and juicy tomato straight from a rain-soaked plant
The answer "estate" to the clue "will content"
The homemade oreos with milk
The bike ride to Jim and Patty's coffee shop
The tiny paper airplanes that doubled as packing peanuts
The glass planter now filled with plump little succulents

Something totally unrelated, but on my mind...

Before I left southern California, particularly the Biola area, I was shopping in Albertson's and saw a couple of sweatshirts with bold lettering across the front that read "La Mirada." I was tempted for a moment to buy one because I get sentimental like that and look for ways to hold on to places and people and things. But it was only a very brief moment because then I realized how cheap and silly it would be to have a La Mirada shirt. "Plus," I told myself, "nobody HERE would ever wear this so it must be a stupid tourist thing..." And it's true: unless you are on a college campus or just visiting, you don't wear clothing that brags of your whereabouts.

Unless, I'm learning, you live in Portland. I have seen more pro-Portland shirts worn by residents than anywhere I have ever lived. There's "Bike Portland," "I heart Portland," "Portland - please recycle or we'll kick your ass," not to mention the practically mandatory oregon state bumper sticker with a green heart in the middle. People seriously LOVE this place and this city. And I understand why, but it's still very interesting to see the sort of pride that I am used to getting from students on a college campus.

Oh sexy bike. Green, yes. Comfy seat, yes. Comfy handlebars, yes. Gears and handle-brakes, yes. Kickstand, yes. Low center frame, yes. Fenders, yes. "Strap shit on" spot, yes. Um...bell, yes.

Angry
Restless
Jealous
Creative
Useful
Alone
Boring
Energetic
Bored
Different
Slow
Shallow
Valued
Unique
Embarrassed
Talented
Stuck

Also: Lately I have gotten little glimpses of what I think my future could look like. And with a few little tweaks and changes I think, this could be it, I might be excited about this. And then I see something else really exciting and amazing and new and different that reminds me that that there are a thousand ways to have a future. And that maybe what I was picturing isn't really ideal after all.

With all my self-destruction and second-guessing I'm bound to get nowhere at all.

See planning and first stages here. See the rest of the final product images here.

...I know.